She would hold the girls in her lap and just rock; tears streaming down her face and her only thoughts a distant fear of reality. Skimpy desperately knew she had to hang on; that the girls needed her and would need her and that she would need them too. When would the next window appear? Or even, would it? Today, her anxiety would know no bounds. She remembers the last time this happened; many years ago, and today, the sadness of another missed window was too much to bear.

Do you remember that time, upon the bluff, when we held each other as you prepared to go off to war? How I begged and pleaded for you not to go as I just knew? How I told you about my dreams; how they speak the language of the days to come?

Strange how life is; how sometimes when it takes it gives and sometimes, in ways we do not understand. Skimpy found out a month later about the pregnancy; dreamt of it. He would grow up with your same face; the same brownish hair and hazel eyes; and in the later years he would tie your silk scarf around his neck and Skimpy would be reminded of you and that would make her long even more. How does one cope with the missing of one's soul mate? It becomes a war of its own on levels most will never understand.

The pain was so harsh at times she would live in some fantasy world so that it didnt eat her up like yesterdays monster out for blood and revenge upon tomorrows war-torn soul that only wanted love.

Skimpy remembers the early days; how she wanted to write herself letters pretending they were from you (no she never did) and how she just KNEW she felt you last night as your soul crossed hers and the ache would come at that time of day when it was inevitably quiet and the kids were asleep. Sometimes, it was as if you werent really gone; those were the good times in Skimpy Reds life..

Skimpy Red remembers feeling silly like she should grow up or be real maybe even remarry tho she knew in her heart it would never be that way. Somehow she would wait for you. Somehow, she had no choice nor even wanted it any other way. She sewed for money; tailored clothes for the more prosperous town folk that knew of her plight and felt sorry for her. Skimpy made her way like that. There was never much but the children were clothed and fed, well, most of the time; its not like it was easy. She had no support; and she needed to be where you could find her once again. Skimpy Red was fragile; and work had to be light but Skimpy tried her best to just keep busy and be about that which life had handed her as she waited impatiently for your arrival.

She liked sewing; it piqued her in interesting ways. It filled the linear illusions and lateral reality that comprised the soul of Skimpy Red with unique conceptuality; but it did more than that too. Everytime the needle would prick her finger and draw blood, she thought of you, remembering the day when you two were so young and played the games children play always in another timeline, another life, another reality. How across all space and time you became 'blood brothers' by the cutting of the other and sticking your fingers together with silly childhood vows of fantasy and dreams of a never ending tomorrow. How you used to say that life was nothing but a man made set of adventures and that we could make them anything we wanted and when we died we died but I always knew you knew better. You were such a dreamer; but you drempt too with reality and love and fierce loyalty for those you truly cared about and always seemed to do the right thing. Such a precious and honorable soul; Skimpy loved her soulmate beyond all words.

Skimpy would dream about time converging; and you coming back into her life. She knew it could happen; sang about it as she took care of the children. Even then she knew; somehow, she must find a way to hang on. She must keep looking as she knew you were out there somewhere. But how to find you??? She knew her songs would work; it might take time, but they would work..they had to work..God told her they would work..

It was just the way that she dealt with things. Whenever a customer would get angry for some perceived reason; she would think of you and how at those times she remembered being with you how you always had your way of dealing with things. If you got angry she was best to just be quiet and let you work it out for though she would always want to help, she knew no matter how hard she tried she would only end up making things worse. You knew best; and she knew, you would get over it. Her customers would get over it too; they most likely had a hard time that day or something. So Skimpy would smile and begin to hum and harmony would come.

It is just that Skimpy realized, she would never get over you (how does one get over a soulmate that is and was and always shall be?) and she knew too; that yesterday's tomorrow would come sooner or later and as surely as the sun rises...

v.kipp 7/25/01